WHAT I GADDA DO

I love my parents.

But sometimes............

No. I've to say no to shaytaan no matter how much they nagged and all.

RANDOM.

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. Even just for a day or two.

But He knows that's not what I really want and that my family couldn't handle it if it were to happen.

OLD FRIEND.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.

No doubt I miss someone who used to be a special friend. I'm not sure if he is still special to me or am I to him. But I am very sure that us, drifting apart is Allah's plan and I trust His plan much more than I ever do trust myself. 

In fact, I don't even trust myself sometimes. Tough life. Anyways, May Allah watch over him and ease his affairs. 

I am very much contented with how my life is currently is. Alhamdulillah. ☺️ Okay gotta go back to memorizing! First paper tomorrow at 2.15pm!

May Allah ease my affairs and make it easy for me in this tough and rough period! Allahumma Ameen!

Wassalam,

Marlie 💋

WHO'S THAT GUY

Who's that guy???

I woke up from my sleep wondering who that guy I just dreamt of.

It felt like somebody I know 

But I just couldn't remember who

At the same time

It felt like a stranger

Ever felt that way before?

Did it ever happened to you too?

We were like a couple - felt like almost we were married

Getting in the car after getting out takeouts

And then

That was it

CROSS PATHS..... IN A TOILET.

Hehe Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu..

As funny as my header of this entry sounds, that is how my soul sister and I crosses paths! 

Had an hour or two long catch up with EJ over at Fajar as she wanted to pass me her heavenly baked brownies! 😍 They really are heavenly brownies! All my sisters and my mom agrees! Hehe. Ma Shaa Allah. Jazakillahu Khairan dear, for the time and sweat in baking these!

We updated each other regarding our hijab journey so far, the supportive friends and family, the tests given by Allah, and everything that we could relate ourselves to! She's such a sweetheart.. Always advising me when I'm down, always thinking positive - which leads me to think positive as well. Allah let us cross path for a reason. May Allah guide us both and make it easy for us. Ameen!

So one of the topic during our conversation was how did we even acknowledged each other's presence? Lol. This is just plain boring and hilarious. I told her I remember I was in the girls toilet with Hanim during school hours in our Seconday School days. EJ walked in with kiDd went into individual cubicles (lol, yes had to be very specific as I can really recall our first time we verbally acknowledged each other..).

So when Hanim and I was done, we left the toilet but just before we left, I said "Bye kiDd". Hanim was like "then the other one?" So I took a few steps back and said "Bye EJ!" And she responded a "Bye!" back right from inside her cubicle! We were laughing over this during our meet up and it's all these little things that creates memories and laughters when we think back about our olden days again. Hehe.

Wassalam.

REWARD.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu. 

It's my off day today but I received a whatsapp text from Sophie...

Ma Shaa Allah.. May Allah reward her with good. Ameen! Totally gave me hope to attempt to guide them female colleagues to the right path. In Shaa Allah. May Allah give us guidance, protect us from hurt and harm, and ease all our affairs!

Allahuma Ameen!

Wassalam.

YET ANOTHER TEST.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.

So the haze had gotten from bad to worst. Two days ago, when I alighted from the LRT at Fajar station (back from work at 11pm), my breathing was slightly affected by the haze and I felt almost weak. I grabbed a little piece of clothing from my shawl and covered my nose and mouth. It was already 11 at night! Who would be seeing me covered that way anyway? 

And the next day (which was yesterday), I felt that it is not a bad idea to cover my nose and mouth using my shawl. So I did just that while making my way to work.... And back from work.

And Here's the story.. Dad sent Sofie and I to work earlier today. Since I started half an hour later than Sofie's shift, we sent her first. When I went down, dad and Sofie was already in the cab. So this was the conversation that took place between dad and myself (not exactly but somewhere there):

Dad: Work allows you to wear like that?

Me: uhmm? Donno.. Maybe, maybe not.

Dad: You wanna change can, but don't be too fanatic. We follow Imam Syafiee, just simple rules. 

Me: *taken aback by what my dad said! Couldn't believe that my intention to cover my nose and mouth from the haze made my dad pointed out things he doesn't have to! I couldn't help it but my tears couldn't stop flowing.*

After We dropped Sofie off, it doesn't stop there...

Dad: Uhhh... It's good that you wanna change.. But until to the extend that I couldn't recognize you? I dowan one day mama and papa cannot recognize our own daughter.. 

*My dried face had to be all wet again*

But what hit me real bad was when dad said this line.

"If that's the case, I dowan you to change. I prefer the old you."

ASTAGHFIRULLAH HAL'AZIM. I was at the verge of bursting out crying but I let my tears flow freely. Only Allah SWT knows how I felt at that point of time. All this time I thought my family would be happy for my change. That my parents would be happy for me. Especially my dad. All along I was doing what that was commanded by my Lord, the Al-Mighty, the Al-Knowing, happily and freely and thinking that my parents are at ease of my actions. 

I alighted from dad's cab still crying, reaching work with my eyes visible full of tears. Sufyian was the only one seen on the shop floor and behind the counters so I had to approach him to get my bag checked before entering the store room. While checking my bag, he looked into my eyes and asked me if I was okay. I assured him that I was but he insisted and asked me again to reassure. 

I gave him an unconvincing nod and headed towards the store room. I couldn't help it but to burst out of tears, with confidence assuming that the store room was empty. But Sophie (Store Manager) & Rafie (Assistant Store Manager) was inside. Sophie got up, panicked, and asked what happened. 

The day passed by in a daze and I ended my shift with the big guy Sebastian. Geddit? Okay not. Lol (Sufyian's family name is Sebastian and he is a big build guy. Okayyyyyyyyyy.) 

Initially wanted to break my fast while dining with the best friend. But I was still upset and felt a little unwell so I decided to head home straight after work. Sufyian wanted to drop in Uni Qlo so we went in to look around and left for home. We chatted in the train on our way home and that's where I got to know him better. A big guy with a soft-spot. 

Since he doesn't have to take the LRT, my journey home alone was yet another daze. I was whatsapp-ing my baby sister and my soul sister. I'm such an emotional and sensitive person. I can never talk or text without crying when I'm emotionally hurt or mentally exhausted. 

So I was too engrossed in sharing with them how my Friday went, I missed my stop and only realized it 3 stations after! Hahaha. Subhaan'Allah. 

Took the train via Petir, passed by Fajar and I alighted at Senja! Hehe. I was upset at that point of time :(

But overall, May Allah increase my family in knowledge. Ameen.

May Allah ease all out affairs. Ameen.

May Allah protect us all from harm, hurt and danger. Ameen! 

May Allah reward my sisters in Islam with good for being there for me. Ameen!

Allahuma Ameen!

Wassalam.

Marlie.