Alhamdulillah, I have mastered more than enough courage to don the hijab as commanded by my Lord. It all started with my curiosity, envying and sharing of friends' happiness after hearing them change to become a better muslimah. Besides, I have this amazing close friend who always understands how I feel and whatever situation I went through, and vice versa. It was like as if we were soul sisters. One day we had a long catch up and stumbled upon the topic of headscarf, repent and sin. We had a hearty talk during one of the fasting days - Ramadhan - over our break of fasting. We talked about how our schoolmates have changed and don the headscarf. Since then, we have been talking about it and being so supportive of each other's intention to change and don the headscarf soon(or one day, In Shaa Allah.)
I slowly started to watch clips related to this pure religion on its facts, halal & haraam, and more (although its just video clips), which also points to Facebook playing a huge role in this journey. My Facebook timeline is full of clips and thoughts shared by my Muslim brothers & sisters around the world! I am always so self-conscious when it comes to religion/Islamic matters. Therefore, each time I came across a status update or shared video clips regarding the religion, I felt guilty for not doing or practicing what that was required of every servant of the Al-Mighty. I felt as low as an earthworm's bellybutton!
But slowly I practiced doing the things that could smoothen my days ahead such as reciting supplications for the different kind of specific protection. However, doing this is not enough. I know I MUST practice and perform my salaah to be protected from any forms of harm and hurt, but I was that one of the majority who was lazy to get up on her feet and perform salaah and dhikiir. Always full of excuses such as "My intention is there... It still counts right?" "I'll do it tomorrow, or whenever I'm ready and sincere." "I will do it when I taubat fully, In Shaa Allah." and the list of excuses goes on.. (Astaghfirullah hal'azim.)
Until one day, I've decided to wear hijab (nope, I haven't put it on at that point of time when I've decided to wear, it was just a hearty decision.) so as I was (and still am) working in a fashion industry, I asked my in-charge if the Muslim staffs in the shop floor are allowed to put on Muslim headscarf while at work. My in-charge wasn't 100% sure if we are allowed but she somehow thinks that the management doesn't allow. Being a Muslim sister herself, she took the initiative to clarify with our Operations Manager, a Roman-Catholic lady. And being in a position that does not allow her to have a say in this, she went to the extent to clarify this matter with the HR.
Well, as much as most of you can roughly predict the outcome of the response, I could've predicted it too. The HR mentioned that we are not allowed to wear Muslim headscarf in the shop floor during working hours. HOWEVER, the staffs are allowed to wear the Muslim headscarf to work but to have them removed during working hours and put them back on after they are done with their shifts.
Wait. WHAT? I was confused as much as the company's way of thinking. I wasn't mad about it though. But I knew I had made up my mind the moment I received their reply. I've decided to quit. Doesn't matter if I'm able to find another part-time job or not to support myself while still studying. Because I have my lord. I have Allah. That was the first time, FIRST TIME I ever made a vast decision for Allah's sake without thinking. Subhanallah. I wasn't upset either. Neither was I worrying over what if I am not able to get myself employed.
Although I made that decision instantly, I did not immediately turn into a new leaf or don the headscarf. It took me quite some time as I was in the midst of having my exams and I wasn't able to think well. But I try to make a habit to perform my salaah and correct my mistakes (up till today, I am still trying to correct my mistakes while performing my salaah.) I thought I was going through a lot of pressure but I felt so calm and relief each time I was confused because I know, Allah will be with me during my exams, just like how I was (and still am, In Shaa Allah) with Him during every salaah and supplications.
During this short period of practicing and attempting to improve myself, no doubt that there was a lot of cobaan (tests) and shaytaan's whispers that came in so many different forms. One simple form is gossiping. Always after I'm done gossiping, I feel like I might as well tear or cut my tongue off. May Allah forgive me for I have sinned. Another form would be buying of clothes. There comes a time when I came across clothings that invite fitnah such as short dresses, short skirts and all other body-hugging clothes. I would get so tempted to buy them and wear it! And always think that I will repent soon, so it doesn't matter, I can always ask for forgiveness. Astaghfirullah. But until one day, I managed to shun shaytaan's whisperings and avoid myself from buying them by recalling this one powerful sentence.
"When you leave/give up something you love or desire for the sake of Allah, He will present you or replace it with something so much BETTER." Ma Shaa Allah, Subhanallah. Immediately, I left the scene and thoughts of getting them. Although until today I still have the urge to buy those things that will invite fitnah. I will always remember this one sentence which will save myself from sinning. Alhamdulillah.
But Allah SWT answered my prayer. I was notified by this other management and my sister who is currently working there that they are having an opening recruitment for the upcoming new outlet. Other than being allowed to wear the Muslim headscarf, the benefits was so much better than a full-timer's benefit at my current workplace, Ma Shaa Allah. I wasn't expecting or putting high hopes on this opportunity but if my rezeki and blessings is there, then that environment it shall be... So I applied and to make the story short (than it already is, lol.), I was short-listed and was required to head down to one of the outlets for an interview with the Store Manager (SM). And coincidentally, the my sister knows the SM although they does not work in the same outlet. Hence my sister help me to put in good words, Alhamdulillah. But wait! Don't be too quick to judge on me having an unfair or bias chance into getting the job (this is not the intention of this post anyway...) but during the interview (13th May 2013), the SM also mention that there were a lot of other applicants hence, she will contact the HR again and she wished me good luck (just to clear some doubts whether this SM is biased just because she is my sister's friend/colleague.)
Anyways, right after I stepped out of the outlet, I received a message from the SM, requiring me to get back into the store to discuss about my availability as she contacted the HR immediately when our interview ended. Alhamdulillah.
I went to work the next day (14th May 2013), and felt I've lose interest in the job maybe because I was uncovered all over again.
But in the evening, my Operations Manager, the Roman Catholic lady, came down to our store to settle some stuff and she approached me to regard this matter. She said she understands the Muslims needs and requirements to cover ourselves, our aurat (skins and private parts) but she feels that it's not right to lose staffs because of this. She sounded upset it was almost like I wanted to hug her because as much as she wanted to do something about it, we both know the decision does not lies with her. She talked to the HR and also tries to convince them that it is not a fashion purpose, it's a religious purpose. She also mentioned that they do not understand the religion by saying that "They do not sin in God's eyes by not wearing the headscarf while at work right." She stopped me from commenting or arguing or even say a word and let her finish. She said she understands how I feel about this. She will try her best again to talk to the HR and the Brand Manager even, and see if she can get anything out of it. THEN she asked, whether I've already started looking for other jobs or not. I said yes and told her all about it.
She said since its a better pay, why should she stop me from leaving. And she was very supportive about my decision, in leaving and also the commitment to put on the headscarf - hijab as we call it. That she will try her best to convince the upper management although I've made the decision to leave and this could also be for the future muslimahs the company intending to hire.. It was a very touching catch up and conversation I had with her and I am grateful for her effort.
Sidetrack a bit. We chatted a while more about religious matters and she mentioned that she is a religious lady as well. She mentioned that she have knowledge on other religion not only on Roman Catholics and Islam because she loves to read up and follow up on religious documentaries.
Hehe Alhamdulillah. I have received Hidayah and guidance from the Al-Mighty to be in the righteous path and may Allah forgive my past, present and future sins. I am much more happier where I am today than where I was before. Although this is just a beginning, I've a lot more to learnt and practice to become a better Muslimah, In Shaa Allah. I am extremely happy, grateful and blessed to have the support coming from my family, my best friend, my girlfriends and not forgetting my soul sister. Now that I have don the hijab, I will continue praying to Allah to strengthen my imaan and also give Hidayah to all the women in my life; my mother, sisters, best friend, girlfriend and not forgetting my soul sister too for even giving me the motivation and great support from the start! Alhamdulillah, May Allah reward them all with good, Allahuma Ameen.
I hope this will benefit other muslimahs and sisters who are having a hard time running away from shaytaan's whispers. May Allah guide you all, my dearest sisters of Islam. To the right path and become a better Muslimah. I love them all for the sake of Allah.
Wassalam.
