ANYONE ELSE?

It's currently 1600hrs Singapore time. Underneath a block at a void deck nearby my house. Accompanied by the thunder, lightning and it's raining cats & dogs. Current mood: Upset, hurt, emotional.

Just that this time, I'm no longer sure if it's PMS (again). I can't keep using PMS as an excuse for my emotional and/or scary moodswings and my menses din even give signs of coming. Maybe I just don't want to accept the fact that I'm not an easy person to handle or be with. That I'm not a happy & fun individual. That I'm an extremely sensitive person.

(Even while typing this I'm thinking of what if I happened to see someone I know passed by? And what if they ask me what am I doing here? Think I would just burst out coz that's how much I needed someone here with me badly.)

What concerns me is... What makes me so emotional? Why am I so sensitive? Issit so bad? Is this getting from bad to worst? Maybe if I can figure out the answers by myself I'll be able to handle my moodswings and sensitivity better. Or perhaps if I ever have to think about sad thoughts, I'll most probably encourage myself to think positive.

I'm currently in need of a companion who can hear me out, be there when I need him/her and just be him/herself.

If only........................

Hurt, sad and lonely,
M.

SOUL SISTER.

(6th November 2012)

Had a very very long meet up with Hijjah (EJ) yesterday (after my very last paper for the semester! Don't even wanna talk about it.) ! And always a good one too! I never came across anyone like her. I'm speaking in terms of friends tho. (Hoho it just sounded like as if I'm describing a lover. Not that she's not a lover, she's loveable friendly funny and everything!)

We're always able to connect ourselves, able to understand and feel what both of us feel. Like we're born to be soul sisters, you know? It's always the same level of understanding, same level of thinking and stuff. Even tho a couple of our situations are not exactly alike, but it's amazing how Allah S.W.T let us feel one another by what we went thru. Masya'Allah :') Life is just plain beautiful.

What else could I ask for. (Even tho most of the times I've asked for certain things and blessings during my prayer, lol.)

Can't wait for the next meet up with her! Till next time. Hope we remember to snap a couple of shots of us so that I can post it in my next entry of our meet up ;) teehee.

Xoxo,
Marlie.

A VERY LONG TERM POST-MENSTRUAL-SYNDROME.

It's either I'm experiencing that or I'm just sucha cry-baby/emotional person. Been almost two weeks that I've to end my night with my mind full of emotional thoughts. To the extend that my eyes are hurting coz I'm trying not to cry, holding back & fighting unnecessary tears. Imagine that. Seems like an easy task eh, but the pain of holding back unnecessary tears is just...... Haaiss.

Both parties don't make the effort to understand each other. Then how? You can't expect me to be the middleman forever? I mean I'm not complaining. But sometimes I think I deserved to shout and/or scold them (when need to).

I've talked to both parties countless times and even try to get them to understand one another but to no avail. On the other hand, my papers aren't showing me any signs of making me a potential bachelor-degree-holder! Demoralizing or whatttt...... I can only pray and hope that my efforts for my assignments helps and paid off! Insya'Allah, Amin.

Gonna turn in now. My eyelids are getting heavier & heavier! Good night lovelies!

Xoxo,
Marlie.

(PS, ouhhh Happy 1 month old working at Cache Cache, M! Hehe)

POST EXAMS EVENTS & ACTIVITIES.

Can't wait for exams to end! Already started planning my November to request for off days 

Prayers and do'a for me alright, my dear readers? Love y'all! 

Xoxo,
Marlie.

THESE BATTLE SCARS.

"..... Don't look like they're fading, don't look like they're ever going away. They ain't never gonna change... These battle....."

The words. The music. The voice. Are all catchy. Caught my attention. And I just had to download it. Which costed me S$1.88 (yes I went to the extend to even purchase it, don't judge) and found out it's the amazing Guy Sebastian! It's definitely a strongly recommended song to listen to! :D hehe

My study's not going anywhere. I'm scared. I really am. What if all my hardwork and effort for my assignments are not enough to help with bringing up my marks (or worst, to pass my current semester ....) I wanna cry!

I can only pray that Allah guide me and give me the best. I'm not giving up no matter what coz I know Allah has planned the best for each and everyone of his slaves.

May Allah ease my affairs and those who are in difficult position as well. Amin.

Xx,
Marlie.

MALAM RAYA.

Which meant "The Night of Festive" in Malay for us Muslims. At this point of time, the takbir can be heard and most of us are reminded of our loved ones who left, how fortunate we are, and all our sins.

As for me, one thousand and one thoughts are running thru my mind. (Obviously not really one thousand and one, it's just a figure of speech.) First thing (or in this case, person) came to mind was my late grampa. I miss him so much. I wonder what he thinks of what I've become today... Will he be proud of me? Or will he be extremely mad (at typing the word mad I could almost burst into tears coz if he would really be mad, I know it's my family issue. How everyone's changed and how each and everyone of us turned out today.) ?

Other than the late, I'm disturbed by how my family have changed so much over the years. Of course, everyone have physical change and all. But I definitely wasn't referring physically but emotionally and mentally. (I mentioned family instead of being so direct and mention specific person because I don't like it when I reveal my family member's mistakes or weaknesses.) It's so heartbreaking to witness this change every single day.

I'm still holding on and believe that Allah will show me the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just afraid if one day I couldn't take it any more and just breakdown....................

That's all I'm afraid of all this while. May Allah protect my family & I and guide us to the right path. Amin.

(Salam Aidiladha to all my Muslim brothers & sisters!)

Xx,
Marlie.

THE NEED TO BURST.

It's been an emotional week for me. (Seems like another emotional week judging from my previous entry..) Today is just another one of those days.

And if it's not about money... what else can it be? Sigh. Money is always an issue. I never wish to ever witness money comes between (or separates) kinships, relationships or friendships! That's just utterly scary.

This morning, I just couldn't contain my feelings any longer. The more I have free time to myself the more I'll think negative and get easily emotional.

(Brb while I busy vomit....)

(Kay back! I was composing this entry while I was on the bus ride on my way home from work. So this uncle (age between a middle-age and old man) boarded and sat directly infront of me. The moment he glued his butt to the seat, my nose picked up his scent which was extremely awful (with the air-condition blasting out). No to be rude but I almost puked and fainted. I think he's aware of his pungent scent that he kept bringing his polo collar up to smell. *faints* sidetrack!

Anyways, now that I'm blissfully at home just waiting to get some eyeshut... Yess.. I think I'm having PMS. Which is fine cause at least there's a reason to why I'm suddenly so emotional right.

Hehe. Gonna have an early rest/night now.

Xx,
Marlie.

(Posted on Sunday, 9.30pm)

TRAINEE.

Got back from training program about 2 hours ago. Training on customer service.. How to serve customer better. How to cross-sell and stuff like that.. It wasn't as mundane and draggy as I thought it would be! The other trainees were so friendly, sociable and full of humor! Alhamdulillah ;)

But it came to an emotional feeling to end the day... Firstly, I have no idea why am I feeling a little down suddenly... I'm afraid it's just PMS! Secondly, I met a bunch of wonderful people during training and they were incredibly people who I think are worth keeping! Sense of humor and always good at catching my attention (not the attention seeker kind you know?) sighh.. I just hope our paths crosses again ;) else we're all just not fated to meet :))

Xx,
Marlie.

BREAKING DOOOOOWW....

Probably shouldn't be all negative just because I'm unwell and I've yet to start my revisions for my major exams due to time constraints. Even tho there is no point in denial that my body is showing signs of breaking down (there... I've said it!), maybe it's just another way of telling myself that, "Hey look! You're falling sick due to the pressure of exams getting nearer and pushing yourself to work at the same time! It shows that you're coping and surviving attempting to be an independent young lady..." (This sounds like I'm just trying to encourage and motivate myself instead of demoralizing.. <_< LS - Laugh Silently)....

Okay so it's been a while since I last blogged.. and it's been infinity while since I last jotted down a proper piece. Here's an update to which I think a lot of changes has taken place in my life (not really sure whether it's changes to the things around me or changes in me, myself and I! LS.. :D)

I graduated with Diploma in Logistics Management from my 3 years poly journey in Ngee Ann Polytechnic about 5 months ago :) It was worth all the climbing of slopes, pressure, bitter/sweet memories, tears and sweat! Alhamdulillah for being able to graduate with a recognized dip-cert ;D

So I ended my poly journey with my 5 months Industrial Attachment Program (IAP) which is also known as internship, with Toll Integrated Feeder Pte Ltd (TIF, the subsidiary of Toll Logistics Asia Limited - TLA). Since application and outcome of school is not until May/June, I extended my stay with TLA until end of May. Definitely worth my stay as I gained much more knowledge and experience! Shifted my seat from all the way at the back (toilet lady they call me, as I was nearest to the loo!) to...... inside my Operation Manager (OM)'s office! No kidding! I was asked to shift inside as my OM needed my help most of my internship days :) I was surrounded by caring and wonderful uncles in his office! I was (and still am) the only privileged intern so far who gets to experience such a wonderful opportunity! Hehe :D

Out of 3 schools I applied for, Singapore Institute of Management (SIM) offered me a place in Bachelor in Business Management and Bachelor in Business (Logistics and Supply Chain Management). Alliance with Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology (RMIT). Of course I just have to accept my LSCM course due to my diploma knowledge and advantages ;D So instead of enrolling for 3 full years or Advance 1 (2 years), I'm exempted from 1.5 years of the course duration and joined as the Advance 2 student :) Alhamdulillah! Hehe.

The first semester is a short 2 months lecture as I'm among the first lucky batch of intakes! (Yupp, SIM-RMIT offered a new course this year and I'm in the 1st intake!) And currently, this entire month I'll be busy juggling work and studies (it's my study break now) for some major exam at the end of the month! Which explains my header for this entry! I'm about to breakdown as I'm down with fever, coughs, and migraine :S haaaaizz.

One can never have the best of both worlds. I'll try my best! Even if I'll end up breaking down....................

Xx,
M <3

hi! been a while.. seems like this blog is full of dust now ayy

FOREVER CONFUSED.

I'm on my own now. Internship is over. So does my allowance days... And I can't decide if I should apply for Uni or just work and save to further my studies oversea? /: I don't know who I should turn to cause it's all up to me now ............ Guess I already have the answer the moment that heartbreaking incident took place yesterday morning halfway to work :'( 

THE NEED TO SHARE.

Hi. I don't know who's going to be reading my upcoming rants and updates but anyways, this is the moment where I have a lot in mind ......... And I'm so confused. Hmmm.. I wouldn't say I'm lost.. But I definitely need a space for myself to let it all out (okay maybe not all ..) 

6-Months Internship ending in a week's time but I'm extending my stay until the next intern is fully coped with the job scope. And then what?

Sincerely,
Confused.