18 SYAWAL 1435H // 14 AUGUST 2014

A lot of tests and trials befallen on my dad. 

💔

No matter how rude or insensitive someone is to me, when I promise myself that I will always have their back, I won't go back on my words. Even if they go back on theirs. I'm not them, and I will always have their back. I'll keep praying that Allah will one day open up their heart and at least feel the love and appreciate all the things we have done for them, and all the support from day 1. 

May Allah always protect them from harm. Allahumma Ameen. 💔 

*Ya Allah, grant me the patience to go through your tests and grant me the strength to endure the obstacles that comes with it. Ameen*

GRANT ME PATIENCE.

Ya Allah.

My heart must be as black as charcoal. Why can I not stop myself from doing the things I've been telling myself to? I have the greatest intention to stop. To change. To be the better person, a better muslimah, a better daughter. Tests and trials comes in different forms, but why did I allow unreasonable customers (plus I was having a bad day, so it was extremely a bad combination) to get on my nerves?

I said I was a different person from who I was last year. But not yet whom I want to be.

Am I? Am I even trying some of the time? Most of the time? Ya Allah. My heart aches, every single time I do things (consciously) which I intended to stop to please you, my Lord. 

I beg your forgiveness for I have sinned, and I have hurt/upset/disappoint so many people around me. 

Ya Allah, do give me the courage too to forgive the people who have caused the great amount of hurt/harm to me as much as I want You to forgive me for all my sins! Allahumma Ameen!

M.

BLAST.

Today, 13th June 2014, Friday.

Finally feel the blast of the aircon in the LRT, Ma Shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah Tabarak'Allah. Feels like I don't wanna get out of the train hehe.

What a way to start my Friday morning making my way to work. Alhamdulillah! 

INDESCRIBABLE FATE.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

Allah is testing me.

Alhamdulillah.

To difficult customers, I thank you.

RESULTS.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.

Another one of those days where results aren't any close to good.

However, no matter how much I whined to my closed ones that I'm extremely heartbroken by this, I choose to believe that Allah loves me and that he is punishing me for all my sins through this. And I believe that good things will come at the end of this.

For now, I have about a month to sort out a back up plan and decide what and how I want my next move to be.

Ya Allah, I thank you for whatever plans you have made for me. Without failing me, I wouldn't have realize, I wouldn't have stopped, I would've still whine and complain and be blinded by all the blessings you've bestowed upon me. Alhamdulillah. You know what's best for me and for that, I trust you.

Wassalam,

M.

AT THE EDGE OF GIVING UP.

Papa sent me to work...

Said he's at the verge of telling ____ off.

😢😥

ALL ABOUT LOYALTY.

Which is the most crucial?

A mother who never do as told by Allah, The Al-Mighty?

Or daughters and sons who never do as told by the mother? 

Assuming both demands are of good deeds.

I will not stop praying. Allah listens to my prayers loud and clear although the only way I confide in Him is through my silent cries and heartbreak. 

M.

BLESSINGS.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.

They said that good dreams are from Him. While bad dreams and/or nightmares are from the evil (shaytaan).

So I dreamt of R (which I am partially unsure of whether or not this is a good dream or bad, but definitely not a nightmare lol) that we got married..................

Hard to believe but yupp it was just a dream, and it did not stop there. The next chapter of our lives was that I got pregnant our of the blue (and the way I found out that I was pregnant was extremely cute).

I was in the loo when suddenly my belly hurts (felt like as if there was a small leg kicking from the inside)... I looked up into the mirror and was in for a shock! My belly was huge - pointing outwards - and I was wearing a cropped top so I can really see my huge belly. 

The cute part to all this excitement was that when I looked away from the mirror and straight down to my belly, I SAW A SMALL CUTE FOOTPRINT ON THE TOP OF MY BELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And that was how I found out I was pregnant!!!!! HAHAHAHAH Ya Allah I know this is the funniest way to find out one is pregnant especially after all the huge belly and everything?? :')

Of course, despite being a dream, I also want it to be real, I want to have my own child/children one day. Just that I leave it to Allah to plan my journey with the mystery man who's gonna be the father to my child. Can be R, can also not be R.

Wassalam,

Marlie xo.

DOWN.

Ya Allah.

I will never get mad each time you plan for me to fall sick.

But I only ask for you to forgive my sins... That you wash away my sins as big as the ocean or bigger than the universe when you later take away my sickness.

Allahumma Ameen!

SCREAMS.

I don't feel like crying.

I just want to cry.

URGE.

I wished to be able to talk to you. Badly.

But either our paths don't cross. 

Or Allah gave me low courage to walk up to you or even look up to you for an acknowledgement.

I wished to be your friend. Badly.

But either you don't want to.

Or Allah does not plan for us to be friends.

I wished to see you. Badly.

But either our work/school shifts doesn't clash.

Or when I do, it's just a hallucination of you. (Or maybe it was you?)

I know. I have a crush. Every right reasons for me to admire someone, there is still half of me holding strong to my low self-esteem.

But for every right reasons that I don't want to approach him, talk to him, look and smile at him, I really do pray that Allah will reward me for it. 

May Allah grant me a pious, righteous, and patient (lol) husband for me. Allahumma Ameen!

M.