So the haze had gotten from bad to worst. Two days ago, when I alighted from the LRT at Fajar station (back from work at 11pm), my breathing was slightly affected by the haze and I felt almost weak. I grabbed a little piece of clothing from my shawl and covered my nose and mouth. It was already 11 at night! Who would be seeing me covered that way anyway?
And the next day (which was yesterday), I felt that it is not a bad idea to cover my nose and mouth using my shawl. So I did just that while making my way to work.... And back from work.
And Here's the story.. Dad sent Sofie and I to work earlier today. Since I started half an hour later than Sofie's shift, we sent her first. When I went down, dad and Sofie was already in the cab. So this was the conversation that took place between dad and myself (not exactly but somewhere there):
Dad: Work allows you to wear like that?
Me: uhmm? Donno.. Maybe, maybe not.
Dad: You wanna change can, but don't be too fanatic. We follow Imam Syafiee, just simple rules.
Me: *taken aback by what my dad said! Couldn't believe that my intention to cover my nose and mouth from the haze made my dad pointed out things he doesn't have to! I couldn't help it but my tears couldn't stop flowing.*
After We dropped Sofie off, it doesn't stop there...
Dad: Uhhh... It's good that you wanna change.. But until to the extend that I couldn't recognize you? I dowan one day mama and papa cannot recognize our own daughter..
*My dried face had to be all wet again*
But what hit me real bad was when dad said this line.
"If that's the case, I dowan you to change. I prefer the old you."
ASTAGHFIRULLAH HAL'AZIM. I was at the verge of bursting out crying but I let my tears flow freely. Only Allah SWT knows how I felt at that point of time. All this time I thought my family would be happy for my change. That my parents would be happy for me. Especially my dad. All along I was doing what that was commanded by my Lord, the Al-Mighty, the Al-Knowing, happily and freely and thinking that my parents are at ease of my actions.
I alighted from dad's cab still crying, reaching work with my eyes visible full of tears. Sufyian was the only one seen on the shop floor and behind the counters so I had to approach him to get my bag checked before entering the store room. While checking my bag, he looked into my eyes and asked me if I was okay. I assured him that I was but he insisted and asked me again to reassure.
I gave him an unconvincing nod and headed towards the store room. I couldn't help it but to burst out of tears, with confidence assuming that the store room was empty. But Sophie (Store Manager) & Rafie (Assistant Store Manager) was inside. Sophie got up, panicked, and asked what happened.
The day passed by in a daze and I ended my shift with the big guy Sebastian. Geddit? Okay not. Lol (Sufyian's family name is Sebastian and he is a big build guy. Okayyyyyyyyyy.)
Initially wanted to break my fast while dining with the best friend. But I was still upset and felt a little unwell so I decided to head home straight after work. Sufyian wanted to drop in Uni Qlo so we went in to look around and left for home. We chatted in the train on our way home and that's where I got to know him better. A big guy with a soft-spot.
Since he doesn't have to take the LRT, my journey home alone was yet another daze. I was whatsapp-ing my baby sister and my soul sister. I'm such an emotional and sensitive person. I can never talk or text without crying when I'm emotionally hurt or mentally exhausted.
So I was too engrossed in sharing with them how my Friday went, I missed my stop and only realized it 3 stations after! Hahaha. Subhaan'Allah.
Took the train via Petir, passed by Fajar and I alighted at Senja! Hehe. I was upset at that point of time :(
But overall, May Allah increase my family in knowledge. Ameen.
May Allah ease all out affairs. Ameen.
May Allah protect us all from harm, hurt and danger. Ameen!
May Allah reward my sisters in Islam with good for being there for me. Ameen!
Allahuma Ameen!
Wassalam.
Marlie.
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